6 more days -
so my flight leaves in 6 more days.
I'm now a sub-contractor for the same company; doing projects that aren't bound or limited to legacy builds. My methods are too far ahead...
not that this matters of course, as I can program in many languages, and I speak many as well, so travel isn't an issue for me.
And of course, I'm male. And whether anyone here in north america has a clue, its still a man's world. Only in north america and britain can women just be so bold as to be allowed to act out on their emotions, abandoning logic and mental capacities. Over acting on drama and gossip and lack of accountability.
It'll be nice to deal with women again, as I leave the city of coy dogs.
...So home for a few weeks, maybe a month and then returning overseas; holland, france, switzerland...
I've mixed feelings about it. I thought I'd met someone I could've brought with me, someone who was interested in the better way to live, the level of society which isn't convoluted with the need to prove anything, and just realize that they are...
so be it. She isn't and doubtfully ever will be strong enough. She will remain trapped in the mediocrity of commonality. Wallowing in insecurity and simple mindedness. The same as the rest.
It just shows that i'm actually a poor judge of character, seeing what i'd like to see and not seeing what is actually there in front of me.
Ironic really. I've been back here now for 8 years, and there isn't anyone that is able to live the better life. Just watch it on TV, or read about it wishing it, yet never being good enough to realize it. I wonder how it would've been for me if I was born common? Would I aspire to what they aspire? Would I think I'd have to prove it? Or be something? Or need validation?
What is a blessing is a backhanded curse. I was born to priviledge, and station. Never having to be anything except what I wanted, without anything or anyone able to stand in my way. By birth, by right. I was a fool to think that i'd meet anyone on this continent that could at all perceive that kind of existence; looking for peace, and to be loved and to love themselves, without just knowing these things innately.
Never lingering on the doubts and fears of what doesn't actually exist. the simple do what the simple have always done for the ages. Strive for freedom instead of just knowing it. Fight for rights, which aren't rights at all, but limitations and rules for everyone that they can't be as good as, or as blessed as. Hating the very attributes of society and history which allow them to even have those freedoms. Denying the truth about themselves. the simple. remaining simple.
There are so many that want me to keep in touch with them and yet, i don't see a reason why... after all, I'll have to do things that they will never understand, and they'll boldly have attitudes and commentaries and editorials about how they wouldn't and no one would ever tell them this or that, as they fear their bosses, and fear losing their jobs. Fear tomorrow and the thoughts of others. As they live in fear and doubt and insecurity. As they spend each day striving and attempting to change what they don't like now, thinking that they can escape themselves. Mindless to the fact that what they're running from is in them, and they're stuck with it every moment of every day of their lives.
mediocrity.
to be the mass oblivion which has encapsulated this planet.
It hasn't ever been the masses that have made a difference. Its the few that can control and convince those masses which made the difference. History has proven it. Empires were built on it. Nations exist because of it. Its only the few whom lead. The rest of the masses just follow and bicker and complain, needing to be controlled, and needing to be told what to do.
Inspite of their hatred of it.
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 12:03 a.m. |
 
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