"whitewater" -
i looked at the top of the river and noticed the rapids and rocks and the clefts in the stream.
I also noticed the calm spots and pools of contentment within it.
At first when i started upon this river, i gripped the sides being buffeted from one rock to the other; and in some cases, being stuck in undertows and whirlpools fighting to break clear.
It was in one of these whirlpools early on in this rapid, that i almost broke down. i had fatigued myself to exceptance and resignation - the position to which i'd navigated. As i lay there in my exhaustion of spirit, and of heart. A small voice came to me and said, 'set the rudder'
of course, i felt it was an illusion, and the result of my present condition, although yet again i heard another quiet sense, 'set the rudder for your course'
I lay there beaten, and cricked my neck to the stern of the raft and to my surprise there was a
rudder, i was still disheartened, and crawled to drop the rudder in place. as it touched the water
the raft shot through the swirl into the center of the river... the raft wobbled from side to side, as i was completely unprepared for the sudden purposeful motion; and i gripped the sides wildly trying to anticipate every buffet that occured. as i relaxed, the smoother and more controlled my raft became. each rapid was much smoother and comfortable, and forwardly directed.
I glanced at this rudder, and realized that i was grateful for that still small voice. for the first time on this river, i was able to take an inventory of my raft, and all that it held within it, its tools. i noticed - for the very first time, rather sheepishly - the quite unobtrusive paddles, strapped together just under the bill across the length of the boat... i also noticed, a life jacket, and a rope.
I immediately put on the life jacket, and released the oars and placed them just prepared in case
i needed to put them over to balance. i also tied my lifejacket to the stern off the raft, across the brace which held the rudder.
Occasionally, i would lean to the side craining for bearing, and drift myself toward rocks and tumulteous waters, and when i centered myself and looked forward, the rudder would casually steer me to a straight and peaceful glide.
I was even able to rest in calm pools and play a llittle with the oars, to get a feel for them, and my own confidence to navigate. of course, early on i was reckless and stubborn, but as i learned that the rudder could hold me completely from danger, i started to learn how to paddle, first on the
left, and then on the right, and sometimes - together, according to the guidance from astern.
There have even been times, where i was able to jump from the raft, and drift behind it, riding
the rapids and pools of calm with peace, and comfort, trusting the bearing of my direction,
following behind the rudder alertly - basking contently.
So now that i've been thrown from the whirlpool into the contentment of the stream, i see ahead
of me the possible torrents, that will test my faith, my trust, and my fear... if i keep my faith from what i've already learned, and if i trust my rudder to guide me. and i do not let the oars move to my reflex, then indeed, i will survive and enjoy the whitewater about to come. I can either enjoy the ride, basking in the ease and gift of it, or I can struggle and come dangerously close to the rocks on each side.
i am the raft.
my heart and spirit, are me inside the raft.
my oars are emotion and knowledge.
my rudder is Jesus Christ.
...the river is my life. ..
:)
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 2:34 a.m. |
blog template resignation -
k... so i've decided and finalized with this design. which is more or less the same design as the blog template for my poetry blog
Except of course this blog will have a different image. I still have to add the integrated mp3 player for all the blogs for everyone on my servers, so that each person can upload tunes for the readers listening pleasure... however, i haven't decided yet how i want to do that....
prolly gonna have to create a root directory for blogs and work from that perspective on it...
such is the life of a programmer...
And of course, there is the integration of blogger and maybe livejournal into the cms/crm product line, and of course, the integration of the image gallery for each of the users that wish to post pictures associated with their blogger
well, other than that... i've had a great weekend. life is good, God is faithful, my friends are still constant and I still feel blessed and at peace about life, love and the road to tomorrow...
ciao
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 1:03 a.m. |
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