go -
its actually a pretty good life.
My schedule is my own. I have friends that have moved out from back home; my other friend just came back here from Germany;
I'm planning a trip to eastern europe and the russian federation; and I'm discovering that this working out, and shorter hair has made me look more normal and its nice :)
i guess I shouldn't be surprised at the attention i recieved last night; although all things being equal my vanity and ego haven't ever been wrapped around my looks. My ego has always been wrapped around my intellect and my heritage; neither of which can actually be touched as they're inherent.
of course, the pragmatic aspects are the realities that I'm not unusual.
Actually, i was working that out with someone the other day.
everyone thinks they're unique. therefore by that they are all the same, and thus, no one is unique.
1-1=0
basic logic dictates.
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 3:55 p.m. |
wow :) -
tonight was fun :D
k, well today i went to work and didn't intend on going out. I was out at lunch and was craving fish and chips for absolutely no reason at all. sittin on the outdoor patio I saw maria walk by :O
I thought she'd returned to germany :
anyway, I called out to her and she came and sat, and we ate fish and chips and had a nice guiness, and then two and then three, and talked about wonderous things... global economics, history, travel, sociology, and so on, you know, standard stuff...
anyway, we went outside for a smoke and lo and behold, appeared tara and jenner, and of course, they had to join us :D
hours later, we're all taking and decided to go see a live band, and of course, being monday, we went to the yale. suddenly, on the way there, my phone is ringing, and i'm thinking oh oh, i should prolly go back to work cuz this was initially a lunch break, but nope!! teresa was meeting us there, and bo called and met up as well :)
suddenly, maria is running one of the tables, and i'm running another table and we're the life of the club :D
now the only thing about it is why were all these girls giving me their numbers :O
anyway, here it is, 1:30 at night, and I'm thinking damn. I miss being me. I missed not having to worry about someone that is busy feeling sorry for themselves, while waiting for them to just be who they are so we can have fun again....
and i had fun...
i think i might actually call that shannon girl. she looks so much like sarah :
long dark curly hair, big brown/black doe eyes, and nice tan olive skin. she had this really pretty pull up on her hair on the top of her head yet it wasn't pathetically strapped tight.
we started talking about opera and ballet and i was amazed that someone of such a young (22) age had so much knoweldge about it, so indeed, it'll be fun to take her, if i bother to call....
k, i better splain that...
i met too many girls tonight, and all of them so willing to give me their numbers, and all of them so incredibly charming...
and yet, all of them from here... canadians... north americans... so i'll have to decide if i call any of them after a few days, cuz lets face it, i don't tend to have much use for anglos when i can just have a normal interaction without the insecurity crap with anyone european or asian, or african.
i don't mean immigrants, i mean real just here to visit and they're not staying and won't at all claim or cling to any of the foolish "cutural" aspects of what people here do...
the absence of arrogance and ignorrance...
mind you though, stephanie and shannon - the two whom actually managed to catch my attention - both, were far beyond their years, which is ironic for such a backwater town.
i miss jw though, i remember seeing that in her where she wasn't being so morbid, and using me to make herself feel better. back when she was the her I actually loved and respected.
oh well, i guess i was just something to hold her through till winter ended, and now she can go on to her life as she wants to live it, discarding whomever doesn't suit her anymore..
i suppose that is what is holding me back the most... i don't want to go through another one of those..
another jayne. another girl that will just take advantage of my heart and take what she wants to bide her time...
so i'll prolly not call any of them as that is the most likely to occur. mind you though these other girls aren't so self deprecating as this that i've been through...
Lord it would be nice to be with someone that returned the love I give, instead of just syphoning the good from me, till i'm used up. Pappa that would be a precious gift.
Permalink | posted by James Mendham @ 1:20 a.m. |
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